Daddy Doin' WorkCall it the "Daddy Wars." One Los Angeles blogger sparked them when a photo he posted of himself and his two daughters
on Twitter and Facebook quickly went viral. A father of two Doyin
Richards (pronounced Doe-ween), 39, is currently taking a paternity
leave of absence from his job in learning development to care for his
daughters, ages 6 months and 2 years. He described the incident on his blog.
Although to Richards, the photo is simply an accurate reflection of his
daily life, he understands the scrutiny — to a degree. "The picture
stirs emotion for a few reasons," Richards tells Yahoo Shine. "The media
doesn't portray fathers as caregivers. We're seen as bumbling fools
trying to figure out parenthood, or macho men pushing their kids into
the NFL. The other issue is that there's a stereotype that black fathers
are deadbeats."
Despite what Richards calls "haters," he sees his role as a father as no different from that of a mother. He writes, "Memo to the small pocket of male haters I have: Why don't you put big boy shorts on and get in on the revolution of good fathers? It's not a good look to tear down dads for doing the work your wives wished you were man enough to do on your own. If you don't believe me, just ask your spouses. They'll tell you."
At the same time, he outright rejects any hero worship: "Don't get me wrong here — it's a very cute picture, and it's cool when people say so. However, I start to get a little uncomfortable when people want to start planning parade routes for me because of it. Somewhere there's a dad doing the exact same thing for his daughters. Somewhere there's a dad who put his foot down with his boss and refused to attend an 'urgent staff meeting' so he could leave work early to attend his daughter's dance recital. Somewhere there's a single dad successfully getting his three sons ready for school."
Despite what Richards calls "haters," he sees his role as a father as no different from that of a mother. He writes, "Memo to the small pocket of male haters I have: Why don't you put big boy shorts on and get in on the revolution of good fathers? It's not a good look to tear down dads for doing the work your wives wished you were man enough to do on your own. If you don't believe me, just ask your spouses. They'll tell you."
At the same time, he outright rejects any hero worship: "Don't get me wrong here — it's a very cute picture, and it's cool when people say so. However, I start to get a little uncomfortable when people want to start planning parade routes for me because of it. Somewhere there's a dad doing the exact same thing for his daughters. Somewhere there's a dad who put his foot down with his boss and refused to attend an 'urgent staff meeting' so he could leave work early to attend his daughter's dance recital. Somewhere there's a single dad successfully getting his three sons ready for school."
According to family and relationship expert Laurie Puhn, author of Fight Less, Love More,
Richard's post packs a triple-punch that makes him a target for
attention. "This is a handsome man with a good job — that offers
paternity leave, no less — and he seems happily married," Puhn tells
Yahoo Shine. "If he were a stay-at-home father, this might not be so
noteworthy, but he's taking voluntarily paternity leave. What's more, he
obviously enjoys it. Unfortunately, if a woman were doing the same job,
no one would talk about it."
Richards agrees, writing, "Until we can get to the point where men and women can complete the same parenting tasks and the reactions are the same, we will have problems. If you want to create a statue for me for taking care of my daughters, create one for the moms who are doing the same damn thing every day for their kids without receiving a 'Thank you' or an 'Ooooh' or 'Ahhhh.' These behaviors should be expected of moms and dads. No exceptions."